Love letter

If I had only one letter to write with my life
I'd make it a poem to you
if my words formed just one song
It would be a ballad so true

If my coming and going were to tell of my heart
I would draw a straight line back to you
I hope that you feel it, the way that I feel it
I love you with all that I do

I don't want to love you for a weekend
I don't want to love you for a day
I want my life to read like a letter
and love you with all of my ways

I love you with my life
I love you with my breath
I love you with my life
I love you with all that I am

Can't I Ever Walk Away?

Like billboards along the highway
lit up signs scream for my attention
I hate the product but I still buy
I hate it but I use it anyway

I read books on how not to use it
I pray for God's help to keep from using it
I made promises to myself and God not to use it

and the moment I see the sign
the second all backs are turned
the instant I feel alone...

sometimes I hate myself
hate the weakness
the empty promises
the hypocrisy

Where are you God?
what happened to the miracles?
they are not all smoke and mirrors
a televangelistic mirage
they were real once

in your word, they came, you came...
they were real
in my past you did them
freed me from other things

why not from myself?
chained to the drug
ever before me
ever present
the drug that IS me

my own smell
my own source
my own high
the drug I could never quite let go of

the one I hate
keeping me from the one I love
and yet you say to me...

"you cannot serve two masters..."

Had a Band

I had a band in days gone by,
One God, a rusty van and four goofy guys.
Time has passed on, haven't seen them in a while,
We made music and they made me smile.

We were loud when we spoke and loud when we played,
loud when we laughed and loudest when we prayed.
We weren't always right but not always wrong,
Alone we were nothing but together we were strong.

I had a band... and I miss the noise we made,
The brotherhood, the magic each time we played.
I miss the pounding drums and screaming guitars,
They weren't very pretty but they were ours.

I had a band... and this I truly say,
Thinking back and wondering when last we played.
Yes, we were a band... but verily in the end
I miss the music but most I miss my friends.

Firecracker Bonfire

A bitter sense of loss clouds the day we've had. (Refocus on the hugs, the laughter, shared stories of past adventure.) So quietly the time flies to surprise us at its departure. But ka is a wheel and the wheel of ka turns. Hard to turn away to the next stage in life when I would trade it all for ping pong and bonfires, hot dogs and s'mores. If the future holds all hopes and fears, then in this insomniac night, tremble I do at the distance which threatens to separate us so.


Comfort lies in the lessons of humor and compassion and spirit and dedication taught in no classroom by these stalwart companions but trailing as comet's tails on actions and words and always, always pointing toward the son.

Cold Glow

(This is a poem I wrote as a new Christian struggling with temptations from my life before Christ. I was trying to put into words the struggle to be faithful and the shame I felt when I failed. As I read it now, about 15 years later, I realize how deceitful sin can still be no matter how long you have been a Christian.)

Don’t you see it? Every night its the same. It comes when you least expect it…creeping…crawling…scraping…invading your time, your space, your mind. Sounds scary doesn’t it? No, actually it’s warm…comforting…soothing…like grandma’s kitchen or your best friend’s room on a Saturday night sleep-over. Makes you feel like you can be silly, do mischievous things and get away with it. I wait eagerly…expectantly…it makes all the world go away for awhile…then, as soon as it comes…its gone. Then its all empty, like getting lost in a large building and ending up in the boiler room. Alone…a little scared and confused. It always leaves me like this…empty and alone…hurting…ashamed. I don’t know why I let it come in, into my room, my space, my mind. I get mad, mad at myself, mad at the world, mad at God. He doesn’t want it for me…He has something better…something spectacular for me. So I start…up the hill to get where God is calling me. just over the crest of the hill where the sky meets the grass…I will get there and be at the next level. The Glory that has only another Glory after that…Glory to Glory! The road to the celestial city! I can’t wait…finally all my work, discipline…faithfulness pays off! Then it comes…I scream…shriek. Not again! Not this time! Then…just as quickly…I welcome with open arms…the warm comfort like a sparkler on the fourth of July. Lighting up your little world as bright burning bits of sulfur jump in all directions. Then it is gone and you watch the dying ember and wisp of smoke with fading smiles…until you are left panting…smothered by the dark sultry summer night air…a crusty, ashen piece of wire between your fingers…alone. (Genesis 4)

you

You creep into me when I put my guard down
Knowing where you can attack you smile
I try so hard to keep you away but the harder I try the more you gain
You try to win me over day after day
but I won't fall into your lies.
Don't try to compete with me anymore
I will win because I have one thing that keeps me above it all.
Do you know what it is?
It is one simple word that has so much power:
LOVE.
The love of Jesus in my heart keeps me above it all
You might as well stop trying
He won't let me fall.
So keep trying to creep into me but I will wash you away
like my tears in the rain.

All I Need

by Brant Bollman

Your love is my lifeline
Your touch is the air I breath
Your life is my loveline
Your breath is the air I touch

All of me is living for a peice of you
A peice of you is all I need
I am living for your peices
My peace is you

All I need...
All I need is you.