Had a Band

I had a band in days gone by,
One God, a rusty van and four goofy guys.
Time has passed on, haven't seen them in a while,
We made music and they made me smile.

We were loud when we spoke and loud when we played,
loud when we laughed and loudest when we prayed.
We weren't always right but not always wrong,
Alone we were nothing but together we were strong.

I had a band... and I miss the noise we made,
The brotherhood, the magic each time we played.
I miss the pounding drums and screaming guitars,
They weren't very pretty but they were ours.

I had a band... and this I truly say,
Thinking back and wondering when last we played.
Yes, we were a band... but verily in the end
I miss the music but most I miss my friends.

Firecracker Bonfire

A bitter sense of loss clouds the day we've had. (Refocus on the hugs, the laughter, shared stories of past adventure.) So quietly the time flies to surprise us at its departure. But ka is a wheel and the wheel of ka turns. Hard to turn away to the next stage in life when I would trade it all for ping pong and bonfires, hot dogs and s'mores. If the future holds all hopes and fears, then in this insomniac night, tremble I do at the distance which threatens to separate us so.


Comfort lies in the lessons of humor and compassion and spirit and dedication taught in no classroom by these stalwart companions but trailing as comet's tails on actions and words and always, always pointing toward the son.

Cold Glow

(This is a poem I wrote as a new Christian struggling with temptations from my life before Christ. I was trying to put into words the struggle to be faithful and the shame I felt when I failed. As I read it now, about 15 years later, I realize how deceitful sin can still be no matter how long you have been a Christian.)

Don’t you see it? Every night its the same. It comes when you least expect it…creeping…crawling…scraping…invading your time, your space, your mind. Sounds scary doesn’t it? No, actually it’s warm…comforting…soothing…like grandma’s kitchen or your best friend’s room on a Saturday night sleep-over. Makes you feel like you can be silly, do mischievous things and get away with it. I wait eagerly…expectantly…it makes all the world go away for awhile…then, as soon as it comes…its gone. Then its all empty, like getting lost in a large building and ending up in the boiler room. Alone…a little scared and confused. It always leaves me like this…empty and alone…hurting…ashamed. I don’t know why I let it come in, into my room, my space, my mind. I get mad, mad at myself, mad at the world, mad at God. He doesn’t want it for me…He has something better…something spectacular for me. So I start…up the hill to get where God is calling me. just over the crest of the hill where the sky meets the grass…I will get there and be at the next level. The Glory that has only another Glory after that…Glory to Glory! The road to the celestial city! I can’t wait…finally all my work, discipline…faithfulness pays off! Then it comes…I scream…shriek. Not again! Not this time! Then…just as quickly…I welcome with open arms…the warm comfort like a sparkler on the fourth of July. Lighting up your little world as bright burning bits of sulfur jump in all directions. Then it is gone and you watch the dying ember and wisp of smoke with fading smiles…until you are left panting…smothered by the dark sultry summer night air…a crusty, ashen piece of wire between your fingers…alone. (Genesis 4)

you

You creep into me when I put my guard down
Knowing where you can attack you smile
I try so hard to keep you away but the harder I try the more you gain
You try to win me over day after day
but I won't fall into your lies.
Don't try to compete with me anymore
I will win because I have one thing that keeps me above it all.
Do you know what it is?
It is one simple word that has so much power:
LOVE.
The love of Jesus in my heart keeps me above it all
You might as well stop trying
He won't let me fall.
So keep trying to creep into me but I will wash you away
like my tears in the rain.

All I Need

by Brant Bollman

Your love is my lifeline
Your touch is the air I breath
Your life is my loveline
Your breath is the air I touch

All of me is living for a peice of you
A peice of you is all I need
I am living for your peices
My peace is you

All I need...
All I need is you.

Head versus heart

"The Christianity Lewis espouses is humane, but not easy: it asks us to recognize that the great religious struggle is not fought on a spectacular battleground, but within the ordinary human heart, when every morning we awake and feel the pressures of the day crowding in on us, and we must decide what sort of immortals we wish to be."
- Kathleen Norris, preface to C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity"


In a flash of recognition, I see how my thoughts are subtly weaved by twisting sin in a sick tapestry. With silver-tongued whispers, my mind is led astray of my heart. I fear that this dangerous game of attrition will eventually spell my fall. Please, let not the coiling serpent corrupt that which is good in your sight, oh Lord. Strengthen me to vanquish the demon from the temple of my heart.

Your Words

Psalm 119 Nun- Msg

By your words I can see where I'm going;
they throw a beam of light on my dark path.
I've committed myself and I'll never turn back
from living by your righteous order.

Everything's falling apart on me, God;
put me together again with your Word.
Festoon me with your finest sayings, God;
teach me your holy rules.

My life is as close as my own hands,
but I don't forget what you have revealed.
The wicked do their best to throw me off track,
but I don't swerve an inch from your course.

I inherited your book on living; it's mine forever—
what a gift! And how happy it makes me!
I concentrate on doing exactly what you say—
I always have and always will.

Darkness falls, safe harbor disappears behind me,

Bitter cold envelops me, I pull my cloak tight

Deep purple fills the world and pulls my heart down

my fears become ghosts and whisper that I am lost and dying

The sounds of night haunt me

The cry of invisible beasts bring my feet to a gallop

I lose my footing, I stumble

Darkness buries me, I am lost and dying

But then the light, the light that pierces the dark

The warm yellow shaft, like a sword

Sweeps through the murk and gives sight to my blind eyes,

My feet find the ground, my heart swells

Lord you are my light

When I am trapped in the dark I look for you

Lord, your Words sooth me, they rescue me

They pick me up, they comfort me in this dark wilderness.

Lord, Your words are like a torch in the darkness

They light my way

I will not fail with you warming my world

I will carrying that light always