Can't I Ever Walk Away?

Like billboards along the highway
lit up signs scream for my attention
I hate the product but I still buy
I hate it but I use it anyway

I read books on how not to use it
I pray for God's help to keep from using it
I made promises to myself and God not to use it

and the moment I see the sign
the second all backs are turned
the instant I feel alone...

sometimes I hate myself
hate the weakness
the empty promises
the hypocrisy

Where are you God?
what happened to the miracles?
they are not all smoke and mirrors
a televangelistic mirage
they were real once

in your word, they came, you came...
they were real
in my past you did them
freed me from other things

why not from myself?
chained to the drug
ever before me
ever present
the drug that IS me

my own smell
my own source
my own high
the drug I could never quite let go of

the one I hate
keeping me from the one I love
and yet you say to me...

"you cannot serve two masters..."